To my wife and mother-in-law (and spoken in Khmer),
"Jovena (the cat) wakes up at 4 am; I wake up at 4 am.
Jovena takes naps; I take naps.
Jovena eats grass; I eat grass."
Almost true - I had been pulling weeds in the backyard and eating the little seedpods of the Oxalis.
When my wife wasn't feeling too great,
me: "Do men have anything to do with menopause?"
To a co-worker,
"You're at your best when you're sarcastic and abusive."
True. He's been given both my approval and our manager's encouragement to needle me when I get temperamental with the other guys in the group (because I find it useful and it comes naturally to him). That's the abusive part. Then this week when I spammed him by pasting 30 rows of text in a group chat that was useful only for one guy, he replied with "Oh great, now I have crap all over my screen." which I thought was a good comment (in a way) supporting focused communications. BTW, he thought the joke was funny judging by the chuckling.
After crashing my bike and scraping up my hands, side, left elbow and leg ,
to my wife: "Don't worry; The bike's ok."